The Candy Bar Dilemma: The Three Essential Elements of Conflict

I was a youth group leader, and this exercise was once part of our lessons. It was meant to teach lessons about choices, greed, poverty, and generosity. But years later, I realized that it is the perfect illustration of tension or conflict.

Here’s the setup: the leader gives one of two kids a candy bar. The child holding the candy has a choice—share it or keep it. The other child waits, wondering if they’ll get a bite. While this may seem like a simple exercise in sharing, it reveals a deeper truth about human behavior and the nature of conflict.

At its core, tension arises when three critical elements are present: scarcity, difference, and choice. Each element is required for conflict to exist. Remove just one, and the tension vanishes. This isn’t just an abstract idea—it’s a universal model that explains conflict in business, relationships, and everyday life.

Scarcity, Difference, and Choice: The Essential Trio

When we experience tension or conflict, it’s tempting to reduce it to a single cause. However, conflict is only possible when all three elements—scarcity, difference, and choice—are present. These elements are the building blocks of tension, creating situations where individuals or groups must navigate competing desires, limited resources, and tough decisions.

Let’s break down each element and examine why removing just one makes conflict disappear:

1. Scarcity: The Limitation of Resources

In the candy bar story, there’s only one candy bar but two kids. This creates scarcity—a situation where the available resource (the candy bar) isn’t enough to satisfy both people’s wants. Scarcity is a universal phenomenon, whether it’s the limited time in a day, the financial resources of a company, or even emotional energy in relationships. When there’s not enough to go around, people are forced to make decisions, and tension often follows.

But scarcity alone doesn’t create conflict. Imagine if both kids had a candy bar—there would be no issue. The element of difference must also be present for tension to arise.

2. Difference: Competing Desires and Beliefs

Difference emerges when two or more people want different outcomes from the same situation. In the candy bar example, both kids want the candy for themselves. The difference lies in their desires: one child wants the candy for themselves, and the other child wants it too.

Differences aren’t just about what people want—they’re also about beliefs and priorities. One person might believe in saving money, while another prefers spending on experiences. Teams might have different priorities—sales might want faster delivery, while production needs more time to ensure quality. These differences create tension because they pull people in different directions.

However, if there’s no scarcity, difference alone doesn’t lead to conflict. If both kids had an abundance of candy, their different desires would no longer matter. Scarcity and difference together still don’t complete the picture—the final element is choice.

3. Choice: The Power to Decide

In the youth group example, the child holding the candy bar has a choice—to keep it or share it. This decision-making power is what completes the model of tension. Without choice, there is no opportunity for tension or conflict to escalate.

For example, if one of the kids was allergic to the candy bar, their choice is removed. They no longer want the candy, and the conflict disappears. Similarly, if a situation has only one possible outcome, tension is neutralized because the people involved no longer have competing choices. And it is no longer conflict, but instead it is a difficult situation. The presence of choice is essential because it determines how the conflict will unfold.

The Removal of Any Element Resolves Conflict

What makes this model so powerful is that conflict ceases to exist if any one of the three elements—scarcity, difference, or choice—is removed. Here’s why:

• Remove scarcity: If both kids had a candy bar, there’s no conflict because there’s no scarcity. There’s enough for everyone, so they no longer have to compete for resources.

• Remove difference: If both kids wanted the other to have the candy bar, there’s no conflict. Even though there’s still scarcity, they both agree on the outcome, so tension vanishes.

• Remove choice: If one child couldn’t eat the candy bar due to an allergy, there’s no longer a choice to make. The tension dissolves because the option to compete for the resource is no longer relevant.

This model helps explain why conflict occurs in everyday situations, from workplace disagreements to personal relationships. When we understand that these three elements must coexist for tension to arise, we can better anticipate and navigate the conflicts we face.

Conclusion: Understanding Tension at its Core

The candy bar dilemma is more than just a youth group exercise—it’s a perfect representation of how scarcity, difference, and choice interact to create tension in life. The presence of limited resources, competing desires, and the power to decide creates the conditions for conflict to arise. But the moment we remove one of these elements, the tension evaporates.

By understanding this simple yet profound framework, we gain insight into how conflict unfolds. It’s not about managing tension, but rather recognizing the core elements that fuel it. Whether in business, relationships, or everyday life, acknowledging the interplay between scarcity, difference, and choice helps us better navigate the complexities of human interaction.